Phantom Ringtone

Phantom Ringtone

In my phone you own a special ringtone. Not my favorite song, but melodious and makes my heart beat faster with ecstatic joy when it tickles my ear. Hearing that tone along with seeing your face fill the screen. I find my inner monologue coaxing me to calm down. Not wanting to frighten you with the overwhelming and overpowering happiness I can barely contain. 

Now, we're at a point where my phone doesn't ring and I'm left here all alone. Forgotten. Abandoned, like a junkie looking for her next fix. Checking my phone from the phantom sounds jingling in my head. Heartbroken from knowing I'll never hear that sound from you again. 

A Brief Moment

A Brief Moment 

For a brief moment, I laughed today.

 Out loud and genuinely. 

Leading me in trying to remember when was the last time that happened. 

Now that I remember, I'm back. 

Back at staring depression beckoning me with open arms. 

For a brief moment I felt normal. 

Waiting

Waiting 

I sleep all the time, or at least I think I do. 

I can't remember my dreams, but when I wake I know they were starring you. 

To know I've never crossed your mind, it kills me everyday. 

I'm simply waiting for death to show up and take this pain away. 

Foolish

Foolish 

Every time I look at you

or simply hear your name. 

My heart races outta control. 

Is it love or my anxiety 

rearing it's devilish horns? 

Perhaps it's both, cause 

I love you and I know that 

you don't love me.

Endless Run

Endless Run 

I've loved you through 

multiple lifetimes, I'm sure of it. 

However, I'm beyond tired. 

So extremely weary. 

Exhausted from running in 

a race for eons, where the spoils are granted to those who show up in the final five feet. 

I could run forever, but I'd never

 win your heart. 

Questions

Questions 

If you cut me open

and took a look inside. 

You'd find more than 

a million questions. 

The most prominent being "why".

Like, why wasn't I good 

enough for you? 

Why must we be apart? 

Why couldn't you love me back? 

Why break my heart? 

Why come back? 

Only for you to go. 

Was I not broken enough

to feed your ravenous ego? 

Why can't I stop loving you? 

Clearly, I must be insane. 

A fool for love, a fool for you. 

A fool wallowing in pain. 

Drowning

Drowning 

By the time I realized

I was in love with you

it was too late. 

I was too far gone

to turn back. 

Now a huge part of

me is dead. 

You let me

drown alone. 

Cause you were

too afraid to swim.