Phantom Ringtone

Phantom Ringtone

In my phone you own a special ringtone. Not my favorite song, but melodious and makes my heart beat faster with ecstatic joy when it tickles my ear. Hearing that tone along with seeing your face fill the screen. I find my inner monologue coaxing me to calm down. Not wanting to frighten you with the overwhelming and overpowering happiness I can barely contain. 

Now, we're at a point where my phone doesn't ring and I'm left here all alone. Forgotten. Abandoned, like a junkie looking for her next fix. Checking my phone from the phantom sounds jingling in my head. Heartbroken from knowing I'll never hear that sound from you again. 

A Brief Moment

A Brief Moment 

For a brief moment, I laughed today.

 Out loud and genuinely. 

Leading me in trying to remember when was the last time that happened. 

Now that I remember, I'm back. 

Back at staring depression beckoning me with open arms. 

For a brief moment I felt normal. 

Waiting

Waiting 

I sleep all the time, or at least I think I do. 

I can't remember my dreams, but when I wake I know they were starring you. 

To know I've never crossed your mind, it kills me everyday. 

I'm simply waiting for death to show up and take this pain away. 

Foolish

Foolish 

Every time I look at you

or simply hear your name. 

My heart races outta control. 

Is it love or my anxiety 

rearing it's devilish horns? 

Perhaps it's both, cause 

I love you and I know that 

you don't love me.

Endless Run

Endless Run 

I've loved you through 

multiple lifetimes, I'm sure of it. 

However, I'm beyond tired. 

So extremely weary. 

Exhausted from running in 

a race for eons, where the spoils are granted to those who show up in the final five feet. 

I could run forever, but I'd never

 win your heart. 

Questions

Questions 

If you cut me open

and took a look inside. 

You'd find more than 

a million questions. 

The most prominent being "why".

Like, why wasn't I good 

enough for you? 

Why must we be apart? 

Why couldn't you love me back? 

Why break my heart? 

Why come back? 

Only for you to go. 

Was I not broken enough

to feed your ravenous ego? 

Why can't I stop loving you? 

Clearly, I must be insane. 

A fool for love, a fool for you. 

A fool wallowing in pain. 

Drowning

Drowning 

By the time I realized

I was in love with you

it was too late. 

I was too far gone

to turn back. 

Now a huge part of

me is dead. 

You let me

drown alone. 

Cause you were

too afraid to swim. 

It

It

I tried to drown It. 

But It knows how to swim. 

I tried to starve It. 

But It feasts on 

fears and sorrow. 

I tried to cut It out. 

But It burrowed into my bones. 

I tried to forget It. 

But It's too much a part of me. 

I hate It. But it seems

 I'm It's favorite thing.

Broken

Broken

I'm a broken thing.

Floating on broken wings.

Crying diamond tears of broken things.

Broken hearted.

Broken soul.

Broken hope.

Nothing left to save.

For my pieces are all broken

and blown away.

Scar Tissue

Scar Tissue 

You knew I was already damaged, before I fell for you. Fractured, bruised and riddled with scar tissue. 

You knew I was terrified of letting anyone else in. Only for them to bring nothing but lies cleverly disguised as truth. Taking the wealth of my love, leaving muddy tracks and broken pieces of the belief in love I've tried ever so desperately to hold onto on the floor. 

I Knew

I Knew

The strength of our love has transcended through lifetimes. So you must understand my dear, that I fell in love with your soul far before my eyes ever gazed upon your face. 

I Loved You

I Loved You 

I loved you beyond reason. Beyond the stars. Beyond this galaxy. Beyond our delicate existence. I was sure of it. More sure of it than I knew 2+2=4. Alas, I was wrong. Now I question everything I think and know. 

Untamable

Untamable 

I need... No! 

I deserve to be loved completely and as a whole. 

Why should a few times, you find difficulty in loving me, deem me unworthy of your love and loyalty? 

I wasn't made to be less than I am. So how dare you make such a demand, solely for your level of comfort. 

If I'm too much, release me. For my soul is too wild to ever find bliss in being forcibly tamed. Then insultingly call it love. 

Magic

Magic 

Of all my lifetimes, loving you and being loved in return was like magic. 

Loving you was half the trick. 

All I ask is for you to love me in return. 

Make me continue to believe in magic. 

Heaven To My Eyes

Heaven To My Eyes 

You let me touch your flesh, to appease my hunger, but it left me hungry for more. 

I kissed upon your lips so ripened, so sweet that the bee's honey was envious of them. 

How could I not be drawn in, by the elegant allure of you? 

Your walls so high, the shades to your windows down. 

There I stood like a starving child, nose pressed against your window pane. Desperate for a blessed look inside of your treasure. That sacred, unique and beautifully flawed soul you housed inside. Beauty that only could indescribable describe you. 

Then the miraculous happened. The drawn shades to your window lifted. Offering me privy to the most astonishingly beauty of views. 

Like looking into the sun, less the need to shield my eyes. Basking in the glow, as the rays brought warmth to my skin. 

Alas, no sooner the shade drew up, it was shut down. Leaving me begging for more. 

Begging for another view of what my mortal soul to know as heaven. 

Bon Appetite

Bon Appetite 

The moment I saw you, my soul stirred and lit like a single flame in a room cloaked in darkness, signaling a pathway to Nirvana. 

I found you! 

The love of my life. The one my soul has loved lifetimes before and will continue to love, long after this life is over. 

Alas, the universe is not without a sense of irony. 

Your affections were not reciprocated. 

Another heartbroken soul for ravenous demons to feast upon. 

Bon appetite. 

Karmantic

Karmantic 

I  move on this Earth in two ways simultaneously.

A dark Venus, smooth and confident.

Also as a real life Murphy's Law.

An endless war far bloodier and grotesque than any in history rumbles, within.

 Yet the number of it's casualty stands at one.

My ego yelling "Fuck him! You're much too good for him, anyway."

My heart whispers "He's the one."

The battle roars on. Fighting to conquer each other.

Who wins? It doesn't matter.

Anxiety enters and always declare a draw, till the next round.

Karma doesn't need to visit me.

I do enough destruction on my own.