My Truth

My Truth

He is my chaos.

Yet he's my serenity.

He's my reason to smile.

Yet, my true reason to cry.

He is my dream come true.

Yet, my worst dreams feature his face. 

He lives in the core of my heart.

Yet, he could shatter me into pieces.

My heart loves him beyond reason.

Yet my brain hates me for it.

I weep for his pain

and my soul dies for mine. 

This is my truth.

Love... repeated

Love... repeated 

Images of you play in my dreams.

While thoughts of you stay at the forefront 

of my mind, in my wake.

Your scent, so electrifying, 

yet so soothing.

Your touch feels like home. 

Inviting.

Your heart, matches the 

beat of my own.

I feel in the depths of my soul.

Deep and to the center of my core.

I knew you and loved you before.

In a time and place long 

ago and since forgotten.

Here we are again.

My heart in your possession.

I love you, cause I was 

meant too. 

Me

Me 

I scream!

Yet like an empty forest, I'm not heard.

I embrace the art of silence,

to avoid being misquoted. 

Yet my true nature is being misunderstood. 

Suffocated.

Taken for granted.

Rapidly and  

oh so, exponentially extinct.

Unanswered Questions

Unanswered Questions 

Tell me!

I beg of you. For I need to know.

The truth that I am either much

too blind to see or much too 

prideful to accept.

Why, oh why am I not worthy of

the effort you put forth to those before me?

Yet, it is I who is still present to love you.

What is it I lack?

Do my cons far outweigh my pros?

Is my waist too big?

My tone too dark?

Tell me!

I beg of you. For I need to know.

Why is it so easy for you to 

envision forever with anyone, but me?

I have to entertain the possibility 

that the problem, lies with me.

For I am the common denominator 

of my failed attempts of love.

The Ripper

The Ripper 

"I'm in love with you."

The start of my death.

Those five words uttered from my lips

set forth a demonic like reaction.

He stood before me, eyes darkened

to the blackest of black.

Like mini orbs of the River Styx.

The hands that once caressed my flesh

so lovingly, now maliciously

tore through my chest to rip my heart out.

With a grotesque smile and haunting laugh,

he cherished the scene of my torture.
My heart in his hand.
Then dropped it to the floor, just outta my reach.

Paralyzed by the sudden agony.

Air violently sucked from my lungs the flavor of warm, metallic blood trickling from my lips.

My body drops to the floor.

His action, so cold, so nefarious,

so automatic. 

Practically Pavlovian to the words

I dared to express.

One question managed to escape my blood covered lips.

"Why?"

Ears ringing with the most diabolical answer.

"Cause I could."

In the Mind of Madness

In the Mind of Madness

I find complete silence terrifying, cause the 

voices in my head never stop screaming.

I call out for sleep, but rest never follows.
Kaleidoscopic dreams play out in my mind.
Chasing white rabbits dressed in waistcoasts
down seemingly bottomless burrows.
For we're terribly late for high tea.
Sipping Earl grey from chipped teacups and
blood from my lip drips onto
 white handkerchiefs.
All I do is admire how
elegantly the blood spreads.
Chakras in disarray, like
perfectly scrambled eggs.
Pleading prayers left unsaid
for they seem to fall on deaf ears.
In my wake, I pinch myself hoping to
be jolted from this nightmare.
Lying faces smile their plastic smile.
I smile in return, to hide the truth.
Mundane on the outside.
Screeching banshee, inside.
Another day gone.
Life goes on.

Cleaning House

Cleaning House 

Tired.

Spent.

Exhausted. 

From constantly trying to 

keep it together.

Pretending I'm good, well and fine.

When I'm anything, but.

Sweeping my woes, angers and fears 

under the rug.

Now the rug is so lumpy I can't stride across it

without tripping over my feet.

I need to purge,

clean and 

face my truths, 

my fears,

before they suffocate me. 

Long Days

Long Days 

Praying for the day, when will I finally become permanently numb to this constant pain engulfing my heart.
Some risings of the sun, I can ignore the sting.
Others... the sting seems to be all there is.

The excruciating sting, like that inflicted by a man-o-war.
Prisoner of indescribable pain.
Self medicating and seeking a phantom psychiatrist at the bottom of my glass.
Yet all that I find waiting for me is memories.
The good, hurts too much to remember. While the bad taunts and mocks my pain.

Skillful Liar

Skillful Liar 

Thought I was special, yet I was only another conquest.

Simply one more fly caught in your treacherous web.

An ego fueled, self proclaimed 'Casanova', but

more accurately a modern day

'Georgie Porgie'.

Kissing girls and presenting a priceless painting of forever.

Then discarding the dream, skilfully masqueraded as the most beautiful lie away;

like a dime store bubble gum trading card.

Swimming away in the ocean of tears fallen from the eyes you've so ruthlessly scorned, for your childish musings.

 Leaving deep gashes, hemorrhaging in genuine hearts.

A professional narcissist.

A hater of women,

enchantingly disguised as a true lover.

My Temple

My Temple

I see you.

 The beauty illuminating from your soul.

Bright, soothing and euphoric.

Let me worship you.

Not just the simplicity of your flesh that will erode and be ravished by time.

No!

 The part I long to pay homage too, will last for an eternity.

Laying flowers and a cornucopia upon a grand altar constructed in your honor.

Everlasting love and devotion to my heart's desire. 

My temple of worship

will forever be you.