Goldilocks vs. The Three Bears
We all know the story of Goldilocks. What we don't know is what transpired after Goldilocks narrowly escaped the home of The Three Bears.
Not long after Goldilocks escaped with her life, she sought out representations and went forward with suing The Three Bears. The charge of murder in the second degree. Here are the transcripts from the trial.
Bailiff Beaver: Here ye, here ye. All rise, the honorable Judge Mother Goose presiding.
Judge Mother Goose: You may be seated. Case number 437 in Goldilocks vs. The Three Bears. Hmmm. It seems that Goldilocks is claiming that The Three Bears, mainly Papa Bear tried to kill her within The Bear's residence. Goldilocks is also seeking restitution for severe emotional distress. Also The Three Bears have a counter suit against Goldilocks for breaking and entering, three counts of theft and destruction of property.
Mr. Rooster representing Goldilocks. Ms. Stork representing The Three Bears. Are we ready to proceed?
Mr. Rooster & Ms. Stork: Yes, your honor.
Judge Mother Goose: Mr. Rooster, your opening statement.
Mr. Rooster: Ladies and gentlemen of the court. I will present to you, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that little innocent Goldilocks simply ventured too far from home and into the woods. Stumbled upon what she thought to be a vacant cottage. After being violently awaken from her brief nap, by the defendants The Three Bears. Poor Goldilocks was never afforded an opportunity to explain herself. That's right, ladies and gentlemen! Goldilocks' life was immediately threatened. She had no choice, but to flee. Goldilocks narrowly escaped the thrashing claws and murderous blows of The Three Bears, mainly Papa Bear tried to inflict upon my client. It is your duty and responsibility to deliver a verdict of guilty, in order to rid our beloved forest from such a dangerous and maniacal beast. Thank you.
Judge Mother Goose: Ms. Stork, your opening statement.
Ms. Stork: Dear citizens at first glance, sure you'd probably be quick to assume that Goldilocks in fact is an innocent little maiden who ventured too far from home and that Papa Bear was trying to do Goldilocks bodily harm. However during this trial, you'll be privy to a different perspective. Papa Bear was simply trying to protect his family and home from a squatting vagrant, who not only ate their food, but also damage their property. Once Goldilocks was discovered sleeping in Baby Bear's bed, she fled the scene of her crime with no remorse. Goldilocks is now inflicting more damage, by falsely accusing Papa Bear of attempted murder. I ask you ladies and gentlemen. How would you feel if you came home and found a stranger in your home? Someone who ate your food, damaged your belongings and seem to have taken ownership of your home? How would you react? Thank you.
Judge Mother Goose: Mr. Rooster, you may call your first witness.
Mr. Rooster: Yes your honor. I call Goldilocks to the stand.
Bailiff Beaver: Please raise your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Goldilocks: Yes.
Bailiff Beaver: Please be seated.
Mr. Rooster: Goldilocks could you tell the jury what happened to you on that ill-fated day?
Goldilocks: Well, it's all a bit blurry. You know, cause it happened all so fast. I still wake up screaming from the nightmares. Ever since that day, I've been much too afraid to even go outside.
Ms. Stork: Objection your honor. Goldilocks was asked to described the day in question, not her so-called current emotional state.
Mr. Rooster: Your honor. Goldilocks was simply painting a vivid picture, of how that extremely traumatic day has affected her.
Ms. Stork: Again your honor, I reiterate. Goldilocks was asked to describe what happened that day. Not the aftermath.
Judge Mother Goose: Sustained. Goldilocks please simply answer the question. Jury, disregard the previous statement of Goldilocks. Proceed.
Goldilocks: Well, it was a sunny day and I decided to go for a walk. The wild flowers were in bloom and I was in such awe. Before I knew it, I discovered I was in the part of the forest I had never been and I was very far from home. I was much too tired to make my way back home, right away. That's when I saw a cottage. It was beginning to get dark and I just thought I'd rest a spell inside of the cottage. I knocked on the door, but not only was there no answer. The door opened as I knocked. I called out, but there was no answer. I thought perhaps the cottage was abandoned. So I walked in. If I knew anyone lived there, I would have never rested there without permission.
Mr. Rooster: So you assumed the cottage was not being occupied by anyone? Thus believing that no harm was being done, if you rested there before making your way back home? Correct?
Goldilocks: Yes. That's right.
Mr. Rooster: Do you have a habit of entering someone's home, without permission.
Goldilocks: No, not at all. I'm very respectful.
Mr. Rooster: I have no further questions, your honor.
Judge Mother Goose: Ms. Stork you may cross examine.
Ms. Stork: Goldilocks I need you to help me understand, cause I'm a bit confused. You said you thought the cottage was abandoned. Correct?
Goldilocks: Yes. I didn't think anyone lived in the cottage.
Ms. Stork: What did you see when you first entered the cottage?
Goldilocks: I saw a table with three bowls of porridge.
Ms. Stork: Was the porridge hot or cold?
Goldilocks: Umm, well the first bowl was piping hot. The second bowl was cold, but the third bowl was just right.
Baby Bear: You ate my porridge!!
Judge Mother Goose: Order in the court! There will be no outburst allowed in my courtroom! Ms. Stork, you would do well to control your clients.
Ms. Stork: Yes, your honor.
After you ate the bowl of porridge. What did you see next?
Goldilocks: Umm, I saw three chairs. One was really big, the second was medium sized. But the third was very comfortable and just my size. I rocked in the chair and it broke into pieces. I even got a few splinters.
Ms. Stork: Awe, that's too bad.
Mr. Rooster: Objection! Your honor, defense is unfairly mocking my client!
Judge Mother Goose: Overruled. Counselor Stork, please refrain from unnecessary snide comments.
Ms. Stork: My apologies, your honor.
Did you see anything else, Goldilocks?
Goldilocks: I walked through the cottage and came across three beds. The first one was too big and too hard. The second was still big, but way too soft. The third was just right. I drifted off to sleep. Then that's when I woke up to a gigantic bear trying to kill me.
Ms. Stork: Hmm... so let me get this straight. You entered a cottage that you assumed was abandoned, yet there were numerous indications that there was a family living in the cottage?
Goldilocks: How was I supposed to know that a family lived there?
Ms. Stork: Uh, how bout the food you ate and the furniture that you not only used, but damaged? With all these elements found in the cottage, that you just told the court that you've seen with your own two eyes. How could you have possibly come to the ridiculous conclusion that the cottage was abandoned?!
Mr. Rooster: Objection! Your honor, defense is badgering the witness.
Ms. Stork: No further questions, your honor.
Judge Mother Goose: Ms. Stork you may call your witness to the stand. Goldilocks, you may step down.
Ms. Stork: I call Papa Bear to the stand.
Bailiff Beaver: Please raise your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Papa Bear: Yes.
Bailiff Beaver: Please be seated.
Ms. Stork: Papa Bear. Are you violent to everyone you come in contact with?
Papa Bear: No. I don't come across many others. My family and I tend to keep to ourselves.
Ms. Stork: Do you and family ever entertain guests at your home?
Papa Bear: Not very much. On occasion The Three Little Pigs would come by. Sometimes Little Red Riding Hood will come for a play date with Baby Bear. Her grandmother doesn't live far from our home.
Ms. Stork: Have you ever had a confrontation, violent or otherwise with any of the guests that have been welcomed inside your home?
Papa Bear: No. Never.
Ms. Stork: Have you ever had anyone enter your home without permission?
Papa Bear: No. Never.
Ms. Stork: When did you first realize that someone was in your home?
Papa Bear: When I noticed a spoonful of my porridge was gone. At first I thought maybe it was from when I tasted it earlier. I was sure that someone had been there, when Baby Bear was crying that his bowl of porridge was all gone. So we all looked around and found Baby Bear's chair was broken into pieces. We continued to look around and found THAT girl sleeping in Baby Bear's bed. I mean I couldn't believe that not only, did she break in our home, but that she was still there!
Ms. Stork: How did it make you feel? To discover that someone entered your home without your consent?
Papa Bear: I felt disrespected and violated. It made me angry. Angry and afraid for my family. In all the years we've lived in our cottage, we've never had anything like this happen.
Ms. Stork: I completely understand. Thank you. I have no further questions.
Judge Mother Goose: Mr. Rooster, you may cross examine.
Mr. Rooster: Papa Bear, you claim that my client Goldilocks 'broke' into your home. Is that right?
Papa Bear: Yes, she did.
Mr. Rooster: Was your door or lock on your door damaged or broken?
Papa Bear: No, but she...
Mr. Rooster: A yes or no answer will do, thank you.
Papa Bear: No.
Mr. Rooster: In fact the door wasn't locked at all, was it?
Papa Bear: No.
Mr. Rooster: So to say that my client 'broke' into your home is a bit of an exaggeration. Don't you think?
Papa Bear: No, I don't feel it's an exaggeration.
Mr. Rooster: When you found Goldilocks sleeping, how did you wake her?
Papa Bear: I yelled for her to get out of my house.
Mr. Rooster: Did you raise your very large paws at her when you were yelling and threatening my client?
Papa Bear: I didn't threaten her. I told her to get out.
Mr. Rooster: Earlier, you said you were angry and afraid for your family. In the midst of your rage, you want us to believe that you did not threaten my client?
Papa Bear: I did not threaten the girl. I just wanted her out of my house.
Mr. Rooster: Papa Bear, you're a pretty big guy. If you were Goldilocks and someone of your grand size jolted you awake, yelling and screaming at you. Wouldn't you feel threatened?
Ms. Stork: Objection! Your honor, the witness can't make assumptions of Goldilocks' emotional state.
Mr. Rooster: Your honor, I'm simply trying to get the witness to put himself in my clients place.
Judge Mother Goose: Sustained
Mr. Rooster: No further questions. Prosecution rest.
Judge Mother Goose: Very well. Ms. Stork?
Ms. Stork: Redirect, your honor.
Judge Mother Goose: Proceed.
Ms. Stork: Papa Bear, did you threaten Goldilocks when you found her sleeping in Baby Bear's bed?
Papa Bear: No, I did not.
Ms. Stork: Did you try to hit Goldilocks?
Papa Bear: No, I did not. I just wanted her out of our home.
Ms. Stork: Thank you. The defense rest, your honor.
Judge Mother Goose: Jury you may retire to deliberate.
Baillif Beaver: All rise.
After just an hour of deliberation, the jury agreed on a judgement.
Judge Mother Goose: I understand the jury has come to a judgement. What say you?
'Foreman' Jiminy Cricket: In the case of Goldilocks vs. The Three Bears, the charge of murder in the second degree, we find The Three Bears not guilty. In the counter suit of The Three Bears vs. Goldilocks, the charges of breaking and entering, three counts of theft and destruction of property, we find Goldilocks guilty on all counts.
Judge Mother Goose: So say you one? So say you all?
'Foreman' Jiminy Cricket: Yes, your honor.
Judge Mother Goose: Will Goldilocks please rise. In light of you being found guilty on all counts against you. I sentence you to ten years of servitude at Cinderella's castle.
Jury, thank you for serving. Court dismissed.
So it would seem that justice was served for The Three Bears and Goldilocks got what she deserved.
The End.
